Tom Fucking Selleck 8/6/2007
That’s right… Magnum fucking PI.
I played hockey yesterday, well, tried to play. We got beat 22-7 I think. More importantly… I got hit in the taint with the tip of a hockey stick blade. Yeah, the taint, or choed if you will. Let me tell you something: Avoid this at all costs. I can’t explain how badly a shot to the taint is. I think it may have cut it. Yeah, a taint cut. Fuck all that. Of course it’s in like the first 5 minutes of the game, so I get to skate around with a stupid bruised, possibly cut taint. I bet you can’t imagine the looks on peoples faces when they ask you why you are walking a little funny, and you respond with “My taint is bruised.” I do recommend you try walking funny for a day and when people ask, respond with that. It will change your, and their, lives.
For all those concerned about my taint, I’m happy to report that it doesn’t hurt so bad now. I can’t imagine I’m going to get a lot of “How’s your taint today?” questions tomorrow, but I guess one can only hope.
On another note, for those of you who are asking “Why wasn’t he wearing protection?” Well, they don’t have a lot of “taint guards” floating around in the retail universe. Don’t think about inventing that either, it’s not going to sell well and you’re going to be stuck with thousands of maxi pad looking pieces of protective equipment.
